memory is just a dream
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hello peeps ! welcome to my paradise :D


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Credits!

basecode: Nurul AtiQah
Edit by: Cikmimin
Re-Edited By: Nabilah Zulhairy
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Pasrohhh


Actually, if I were to think back. I cried so many times that I lost count. But this time round, I only cried once, Maybe you learn from your experiences? You get stronger and braver everytime someone leaves your life.
I wish I was better at expressing myself in real life. I don't like to keep things to myself but I don't know how to share my thoughts. So, in the end, I swallowed my words back. #Just Saying.
On a brighter note! Since i'm not schooling now, I started helping out at Xcraft to kill some time and to earn some cash.

Hati.

nilai iman itu sbnrnya trlalu tnggi untuk di capai.malah iman itu ada kala yazid.malah iman itu ada kala yanquz..namun...hakikatnya..aku ingn skali mmliki iman...yg tak lekang dek panas...tak luntur dek hujan...agr aku bisa mnjadi insan yg spenuhnya islah kpdnya.godaan itu sbnrnya smkin kuat...bila diri keseorangn...lntrn itulah...aku perlukn temn2 yg sedia mmbmbng ku.untk mncri dn mnggapai redhanya.aku selalu brharp mndapt sahabt sjati...yg tak luntr..baik wktu suka atau pun duka...yg tak hilng..baik waktu aku lmah atau pun kuat...dan hari ini aku mula mngrti...mash ada yg setia...yg sntiasa mnydrkn aku dngn amrn2 allah.yg sntiasa memujuk aku dngn tarbiah pencpta...yg sntiasa mngingtkn aku dngn keindahan syuga....yg sentiasa mndorong aku mnjdi dai'e mulia...terima kasih ya kalian sntiasa bersedia mmbri nasihat..mnjadi pmrhati dan pndngar yg sabar...sering kali diri ini melakukn ksilapan..namun kalian dengn bijak mngingatkan..kalian sering mndukung aku dlm kbenaran...dan mncgah aku ke arah kemungkaran...kalian turut gembira bila tertawa...kalian sentiasa ada di saat duka mnrpa...kalian sntiasa ada di saat aku mmrlukn..sesungguhnya aku bahagia bersama kalian...ya rabbi terima kasih kerana hadirkn mereka didalam hidup ini...terima kasih sekali lagi.

harapan

Akulah yg satu diantara mereka yg gugur dalam membina harapan. Yg gagal dalam merangkai ba'it impian. Dan akulah diantara mereka yg kecewa karena cinta kandas ditengah jalan. Karena kasih tersulami niat tak sefaham. Juga karena langkah tak sehaluan dalam memijak. Atau karena pembeda kasta merenggut cita. Itulah alasan waktu memisah belah. Ketika kasih tanpa rela. Ketika sayang tanpa tulus setia. Dan hanya air mata terurai tak berarti. Setelah rela. Setelah terluka. Karna cinta kita hanya seketika.

mengidam dan kempunan?


korang pernah tengok/baca cerita Batu Belah Batu Bertangkup tak? ala... yang cerita majok2, lari2 masuk gua tuu... ha. ingat kan? yang pasti korang mesti tau pasal Pekan si anak durhaka yang mensebabkan ibundanya meroyan lantas menyertai acara balapan 5000 meter berhalangan versi hutan tu.
meh aku ringkaskan (ringkas...~.~) si ibu a.k.a makcik Tanjung ni hidop miskin dengan anak2nya, Melur si kakak, dan Pekan si adik - selepas kematian ketua keluarga, enche Kantan. dek kerana kesempitan hidup, maka mereka pun adanya jua berkais pagi makan pagi, kais petang makan malam... 
si pekan ini degilnya amatlah ketegaq. mahu sahaja di-smackdown-nya oleh si Melur. nak jadi cerita... satu hari auntie Tanjung balek dari mencari rejeki di hutan. ke sungai.. sungai tepi hutan. ye lah tu! ok, lepas tu, beliau bawak balek ikan tembakul (ada yang sebut temakul. and setahu aku, ikan tembakul ni ... ikan belacak. ~.~) dalam perot ikan tu ada telur! so the mother pesan
"O my children. Hath seen you the golden delicacies of the river monster. What matter the most - I feed ye children all but the eggs. For you hath some love, and for love I shall share."
mengerti dengan kata2 the Queen, Melur pon masak la lauk ikan tembakul - skali dengan telur ikan tu la. masa puan Tanjung pegi mandi, makanan dah sedia terhidang ala2 siri Masterchef. Melur ni kakak yang baek, so dia suapkan Pekan makan dulu sebab budak tu tinggal sikit lagi nak kena siku laju2 sebab mengamuk nak makan sangat2 dah. Melur bagi la lauk telur ikan tu kat Pekan, dan simpan sebahagian lagi untuk The Mother.
tapi.. si Pekan yang bagai dirasuk jin lapaq tu teros mem-begging kakaknya yang cun untuk makan lauk telur ikan lagi. last2, dia ikut pepatah melayu - ku pujuk2 tak dapat, ku curik, makan. alhamdulillah~
clichenye, time tu jugak la The Mother lapaq ketaq2 lutuit bak aaanng... so auntie Tanjung pon pegi la nak join dinner dengan anak2 kesayangans. sekali bukak tudung saji... nah haaaiihh.. hapa pon tarak! The Mother tanya le daughter, mana lauk telur ikan tembakul?? gua pesan apa tadi!??
dengan rasa penuh takut dan kecut perotnya (bukan sebab PMS) ... Melur bagitau the truth... 
APA!?? jeng jeng jeng jeeeennngg!!! *sound efek kilat berdentum di langit*
the Bonda memang RAAAAAAAAAAAAGE habes ah! kalo ikotkan hati, makcik Tanjung nak je stone-cold-stunner-kan si Pekan tu. pastuh chokeslam si Melur pulak sebab tak bleh harap! so the best option, lari jejaoh - merajok tahap dewa tanah.
so di tengah kepekatan malam tu jugaklah.. satu keluarga anak-beranak ni berlari berkejaran di dalam hutan. time2 tu la nak hujan lebat, nak ribut petir, nak angin kencang... lol. aku pendekkan cerita, the mother tu pelari pecut Srivijaya atau Temasek, gamaknya - beliau sampai ke Stone Split Stone Bertangkup (haram aku tak reti translate..~.~). dalam keadaan murka... beliau pon berkata..

"O Stone Split Stone Bertangkup, swallow me, chew me. i am as tasty as those value meals at McD"
terjemahan; Batu belah batu bertangkup, telanlah aku..luluh lah aku. aku kempunan telur tembakul~~
haaaa!! nampak? nampak?? situ la point aku cerita nokharoomm panjang nak arwah nih. nak cakap pasal kempunan tu je. okay tu baru mukadimah. ni nak masuk tujuan asal..



definisi bagi mengidam ialah sperti seseorang yang ingin sekali memgecapi sesuatu. alah macam memgharap dream come true. getuh... manakala definisi bagi kempunan ialah keinginan kerana tidak mempunyai atau mendapat sesuatu makanan. bagi barang pula memang jarang digunakan, tapi perkataan kempunan kebanyakannya hanya utk makanan.
okay, so the story is begin like this,

A: babe, aku kempunan gila nak makan ketam babe. lama aku tak makan.
B: la yeke? semalam baru aku makan, tapelah..esok kita cari k
A: tenkiu babe. syg kau gila.

keesokannya....
si A tenung je si B. nothing happen. lalu si A pun langsunglah tak tegur si B sampai sekarang ni dah zaman pru13. memang dasar kolot si A ni tau.

tulah tujuan sebenar tulis entri ni. mcm nenek aku penah pesan bahaya kalau layan org yang kempunan atau tgh ngidam. sangat bahaya. silap hari bulan, korang boleh tak bertegur sapa gara gara ketam. memula memang aku rasa kolot. sgt kolot. tapi bila benda dah kena batang hidung sendiri, ha amik kau.. bodohnye perangai...

dulu aku ada sorang kawan, lelaki. orgnye sweet bila senyum terserlah lesum pipit dan agak kelakar orgnya. dia plg pantang kena marah atau kita usik dia sampai tahap dia terasa atau kecik hati. dia takkan mengamuk baling barang. paling cikai pun dia akan cakap...

"keturunan aku tak boleh kecik ati. macam makcik aku dulu kecik ati pastu accident"
mula mula dgr mcm kelakar la. tapi bila difikirkan balik ada betul apa yg dia cakap. manusia. kalau hatinya kau toreh toreh, memang kepala tak betul. macam contoh bila kau marah kat org pastu kau kutuk kat org tu das das sampai kau tak fikir apa dah. dan org tu pun hilang respek kau. sampai mcm tu, lepas tu org tu dok terkenang kenang benda yg kau kutuk sadis nak mampos tu. time tu plk dia nak melintas jalan tak toleh kanan kiri sebab tgh terkenang kata kata kau. kena langgar kete. mati. haaaaa k ni imaginasi. hahaha.

sama lah mcm org kempunan. kalau nak makan something  tak dapat. org tu akan dok terkenang nak makan tu sampai hilang fokus. habis semua di tibai. sampai dpt makanan yg dia kempunan tu. org kata kalau tak tunaikan kempunan seseorg tu. boleh kena laknat weh. contoh, kena langgar dgn lelaki tak hensem, kena langgar dgn kucing kurap, katak duduk dlm kasut, paling sadis bila pakwe yg kempunan, kalau makwe tak tunaikan, paling cikai pun pakwe merajuk berhari hari. paling teruk pun pakwe kau hilang syg kat kau. mulalah dia assume benda bebukan.
sebab tulah betapa susahnya nak layan org yg kempunan ni. kempunan ni boleh patah kan hati org tau, mcm di heartbroken kan oleh pakwe, lalu hilang fokus dan bunuh diri hanya sebab satu, makanan. ye makanan.



p/s; so kalau korang tak faham apa yang cuba aku sampaikan ni, harap maaf. sebab aku just nak sampaikan entri ni khas kepada seseorang. alh macam sarcasm berbentuk entri panjang berjela lah. aherherher.

people changed

Seseorang yang kita kenal sekarang, tak semestinya akan kekal dengan caranya / sifatnya yang ada sekarang. Esok lusa tulat mungkinn orang itu akan berubah. Berubah kepada yang lebih baik ? Atau berubah kepada manusia yang lebih teruk. Kita tak dapat nak pastikan, tak dapat nak halang sesuatu perubahan tu dari berlaku...Diri kita sendiri jug bila bila masa boleh berubah...perubahan dari segi mental, fizikal, gaya percakapan, gaya penampilan, dan sifat sifat yang ada dalam diri...semuanya boleh berubah. Tepuk dada, tanya iman. Kita mahukan perubahan yang lebih baik atau perubahan yang lebih buruk ? Kalau kita nak jadi orang yang lebih teruk...tak payah hidup pun takpe. Sia sia kita diberi peluang bernafas di muka bumi Allah ni. Eloklah kita buat perubahan yang lebih baik...biar menyenangkan hati sendiri, dan orang lain... Bila bercakap pasal perubahan diri ni, orang yang memandang kita yang nampak. Kita ni kalau dah berubah sikit pun tak perasan kan ? Kita rasa kita ni biasa biasa saja, padahal ramai orang TERASA dengan perubahan kita tu. Tak kiralah baik atau pun buruk. Kalaulah perubahan yang wujud tu lebih baik dari hari hari semalam, ALHAMDULILLAH. Kalau perubahan harini nampak lebih teruk dari semalam, PUNAH ! Kalau diberi pilihan, taknak lah saya jadi macam dulu. Bila bercakap melulu dan nampak sangat macam tak berilmu. Allah dah bagi akal fikiran, mak bapak penat penat hantar pergi sekolah tinggi tinggi, ada ilmu tu gunakanlah. Bukan buang dan bakar, sia sia je kan ! Lagi satu, kalau rasa tak pandai, jangan buat buat macam pandai. Jangan jadi bodoh sombong. When you do something do extra and expect less. Work hard and stay humble. Malah, fikir dulu sebelum bercakap. Kadang kala berdiam diri itu lebih baik =) Dan kalau saya diberi peluang nak juga kembali pada masa lampau untuk betulkan banyak kesalahan dan kesilapan saya. Perkara-perkara yang dah lepas..memang lah lepas..tapi sesekali terasa ia seperti diheret hingga kini. Percaya tak, siapa diri kita sekarang, adalah siapa diri kita pada waktu lampau !
Kalau perkara lepas tak berlaku, kita pasti tak belajar dari kesilapan tu..dan pastinya kita takkan berubah sampai bila bila. Jadi bersyukur lah, pengajaran lepas telah mematangkan kita =)

Humming

He probed. She was unsure. But eventually yielded. "I love you. You're beautiful." She wont say it back. No, scratch that. She can't say it back. Carefully, very carefully, he tries all he can. Take two. One small push and she's all his. Moving in perfect synchronization of body, of life. How does she say it? Without him getting scared and backing off? Her mind screams, "I love you! And I've loved you all this while." But her mouth stays locked in his. The words lost in the heat of the moment. Drowned in passion. "Relax," he says, sensing the urgency and the tenseness in her back. She lets out a soft moan, as his hands move down, easing out all her apprehensions. They shift. The kisses are different. His more tearing. Hers, softer. Her hand caressing his face. Obvious love. "It's funny how it never felt like this when we were together." "Because when we were together, I was playing my part. The caring boyfriend one." Muffled gasps. Sharp pain. "So that was all an act?" Long drawn sigh. "Not really. I meant it when I was in it. It's just too taxing for a guy like me." Unshed tears, distracted by tethering his body, embedding her nails in his arched back. Teeth gnawing supple skin. Red. Color of hurt. Color of passion. Of love. She strokes his forehead as he slowly moves her hair out of her face to get a closer look. He doesn't call her beautiful. Something stops him. At the very edge. But she wants to know. Lazy exhaustion. Slower kisses. Wild submission. Acceptance. Denial. Tired. "They don't understand, but this is the best part." Contentment. Really? She wants to ask. Then how do you? Is it just me? Tell me! Talk out loud! "You have weird perceptions and estimations about yourself, you know..." "Like what?" He snuggles closer. His hand always in motion against her back. He kisses her head discreetly, thinking she can't tell. She can. She can always tell. "Like this. You think you want this. You're a really good boyfriend for as long as you don't start thinking about it." "Hmm..." he mutters with his eyes shut. Still holding her close. She doesn't think he realizes that this is the closest they've gotten in a long time. And it's the closest they will be, all bared, in a very, very long time to come. "You wanna get a smoke?" This is it. She doesn't want to let go. She's finally found something comfortable. Comforting. Something that doesn't make her squirm, or jump back in disapproval and skepticism. She was scared she'd find out how irrevocable her feelings were where he was concerned if she ever landed up in something like this. And there you go. She found out. And it hit her so hard, that she doesn't mind not being carefully handled, or not called beautiful, or looked at with a certain kind of deep love only some pair of eyes can show her. For all she cares. Ravage my body. Be harsh yet truthful. In whatever limited and warped form that may be possible. This is not me. It's not who I am. What am I doing? Giving in because you're tired. Somebody answers. Consumed.

life goes on

It's been a while hasn't it? Since you took a walk to nowhere in the middle of the night? Since you walked out instead of run under the shades when it starts to drizzle? Since you got high on candy and a day of boardgames or cards? Yeah it kind of has. It has been long since you read a mail, leave apart a letter, longer still since you bought an original record and even longer since you surprised someone just to see them smile, since you put someone else before yourself. Somewhere between all the forms of communication and making this world a smaller place, we actually made the distance grow more.. We've grown distant. I look at your facebook profile now to know what you're upto, who you hang with and what is the latest band you listened to. I enlarge your profile picture and stare at it when I need to see your face and try and interpret your status in not one way but a million till I find one that I feel comes closest to my interpretation of you. I write you mails and then save them in my drafts for let's face it, who has the time to read long sappy emails these days, lesser still to reply to them and pathetic as this sounds, I like my mails being replied to. We've come so far and yet I feel not much has been achieved. There's so much more to be done but there's something that still stops me, holds me back. If moving forward means not needing your people anymore, I disagree. If being strong implies you have to suffocate and drown out what you feel deep down, I beg to differ. Maybe in another lifetime I can be like one of you - a machine - but for this one, I'm only human. Not by default, by choice.

did you?


did you ever fall for someone you know you shouldn't?Try hard to fight your feelings, but you just couldn't?You fall deeper with each passing day,But try to hide it in every possible way.He's only a friend, and nothing else--That's the lie you keeping telling yourself.You keep on saying he's just a bud,But deep inside, you're falling in love.You get so giddy when you meet his eyes,But keep reminding yourself it isn't right.A simple glance turns into a stare,But you pretned that you don't care.It's "not right" for you two to be.Is that why you hide it so no one can see?But how long will you pretend?Keep lying that he's just a friend?Perhaps your feelings you can never show.Perhaps it's "wrong" for him to know.Your friendship can't be risked over this,So being his girl is an impossible wish...

9 Things I Hate About Everyone




9 Things I Hate About Everyone


1. People who point at their wrist asking for the time... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their a** to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn Right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film, "did ya see that?" No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor!

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?"... Didn't give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell??? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!!! What can you do thats longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?" If the bus came, would I be standing here???


thoughts on life



:79:Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

:79:When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

:79:The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

:79:It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

:79:Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you back! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.

:79:It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

:79:There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real!

:79:Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

:79:May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

:79:Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

:79:The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

:79:Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

:79:Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

:79:The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.